


Free Will

by lizzybennettdarcy



Category: Supernatural
Genre: AU mid-season 7, Alcoholic Dean, Angst, Dean Winchester's mouth, Feels, Gabriel Being Gabriel, Grace Bonds, M/M, Mythology - Freeform, Soul Bond
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-02
Updated: 2016-03-02
Packaged: 2018-05-24 07:49:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,354
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6146692
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lizzybennettdarcy/pseuds/lizzybennettdarcy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's been 3 months and 17 days since Castiel went into that reservoir and his trench-coat washed up on shore at Dean's feet as a final 'Screw You'. On day 107 he wakes up from the usual nightmare and grabs for the usual bottle of Hunter's Helper to find a visitor in his room. Gabriel is the Messenger of the Lord and he has some things that Dean needs to hear.<br/>*Spoilers up until Mid Season 7 and then it goes AU.*</p>
            </blockquote>





	Free Will

Manic glee glowed bright from a face he’d long ago memorized, but eyes he no longer knew. Black, primal evil oozed thickly throughout the room, choking the air.

“Cas, hmmm, He’s gone!”

And he was. Of course he was. There was no sign of the pure savior within his former shell. There wasn’t a trace of the angel within the body that had long been his alone, the previous owner having been sent mercifully to heaven years previous. No, whatever this was, whatever they were, Cas was gone.

****

His head was foggy with pain and his body wouldn’t move fast enough. It didn’t matter that Cas was gone. Cas would need his body when he came back. Cas _always_ came back. Those fucking monsters couldn’t have his body. He just needed to move faster.

They rounded the corner but the Leviathan had dragged Castiel’s body into the lake. Dean watched, frozen as he sunk below the surface of the water. His breath seized in his chest and he _prayed_. _Come on Cas, Come on, Buddy._

****

He bent to pick up the tan jacket that floated waterlogged towards them. He cursed whatever cruel deity would choose to allow the events of the past few weeks and then float the damn jacket upstream to Dean’s feet as a final “Fuck you”. He carefully folded the coat that he’d long since stopped thinking of as creepy and started associating with _home_. He only _just_ managed to stop himself from lifting the coat to his nose and burying his face in it.

Because a jacket was just a jacket. And Cas was never going to wear it again.

That didn’t stop him from tucking it into the trunk of his car. Or from making sure it was transferred safely into each shitty POC they stole afterwards.

****

_Everything was distorted. The scene was blue and grey and Dean couldn’t hear a damn thing. But he needed to get to the lake. Why did he need to get to the lake? Where was Sam? He looked around. Behind him with Bobby._

_Cas. Shit. The Leviathan had Cas’ body. He sprinted out of the warehouse, lungs burning and legs pumping._

_“Damn it!” He bellowed. His vision seemed to tunnel and the lake was getting farther away, not closer._

_“Cas? Mmm He’s gone!”_

_“No! Cas!” Dean ran faster, harder. Sweat soaked his shirt and blisters formed on his feet._

_“Cas? Mmm He’s gone!”_

_“Cas? Mmm He’s gone!”_

_Dean stumbled to a stop at the edge of the lake, watching Castiel’s head submerge. He willed his body to dive forward but he couldn’t move. He screamed but his lips remained closed. Inky blackness erupted under the surface._

_It was too late._

_“Cas? Mmm He’s gone!”_

_“Cas!”_

****

“Cas!” Dean shot upright and heaved in a breath. His hands gripped the blankets beside him as he fought to separate himself from his nightmare. It wasn’t a new dream, not by any means. It had been 3 months and 17 days since Castiel had died and the Leviathan had invaded and destroyed Cas’ body in the process. And Dean had dreamt of it every single time he’d closed his eyes.

“Fuck.” Dean ran a hand over his face and swallowed bile and the tears that fought for dominance. He inhaled deeply before dropping his hand and reaching for a bottle on the nightstand beside him. He discarded two empties before finding a half-full bottle of Whiskey. He didn’t give a single thought to what anyone would say as he raised the bottle to his lips and swallowed until he felt like he might be able to face the day. He left himself about a fifth for after breakfast and decided he’d need to do a Whiskey run in the next few hours if he was going to survive the day.

“Well that’s the saddest damn thing I’ve seen in my whole life. I can’t even make fun of you for it.” A voice chimed in unexpectedly from the bed beside his.

Dean’s teeth snapped together as he turned to look at the angel who had been listening to his thoughts. His eyes set upon the shorter man with golden eyes and he snarled. Rage clouded his vision and only the knowledge that the Archangel could destroy the planet with a thought kept him from shooting him point blank. Instead he reached for the Whiskey bottle beside him and poured it down the hatch.

“Come on, I’m not that bad, Kiddo.” Gabriel chided, voice full of mock-hurt.

Dean leapt from his bed and turned his back on the Archangel. His hands shook as he began rifling through his duffel from some clean(ish) clothes to distract him from the giant pain in the ass on the bed behind him.

“Should I have gone with sparklers and a big ‘Taaa Daaa!’ instead?” The Trickster mused behind him, more to himself than to Dean.

“Why are you here?” Dean growled. His question was filled with so many other unasked questions, the biggest and most important being the one that hurt Dean the most.

“Ah.” Gabriel sighed, his face turning somber.” You mean, why did God bring _me_ back this time and not-“

Dean raised his hand and cut him off. “Why are you here?”

Gabriel squinted at him for a moment or two before allowing the redirection. “Well say what you will about the old man, you know he’s a dick, absentee, etc. etc. etc. He pays close attention. I guess he always wanted free will for us. It might have been a good idea to create us a little more capable of actually accepting free will, but hindsight is 20/20 and all that.” Gabriel paused and scratched his chin. He snapped his fingers. Dean felt a tug behind his navel and glared at the Archangel as he found himself seated in a booth at an old-fashioned 50’s diner. “Anyways, so he liked free will. He never wanted robots. The Leviathan were a nightmare. All evil and disorder. Angels are hierarchy and order. Humans were meant to be the middle ground. Of course Dear old Dad expected better from Luci. That’s not quite what he meant about free will.” Gabriel smiled as a pretty older waitress approached the table. He held up two fingers and winked at her with a saucy grin.

“Flirt.” She murmured.

“Thanks, Nance.” He replied before blowing her a kiss.

Dean watched the exchange with a nonplussed expression. Gabriel shrugged. “So humans are the rock-stars. But every once in a while someone special is born in Heaven.”

Two coffees appeared on the table before them and Dean’s eyebrows shot up at Gabriel’s blatant use of magic. Gabriel laughed and pointed over his shoulder at the waitress. She was pouring milk into a tiny jug and a moment later it appeared on their table. “You thought I’d bring you to some normal diner? Come on, Kid. Give me some credit.”

Dean opened his mouth but after some thought decided to save his questions for later. Instead he raised the cup to his lips and took a gulp of the bitter black coffee.

“So like I said, someone special is born sometimes. Angels aren’t made the way humans are. Angels aren’t up there having cloud sex and forgetting to wrap it up. Angels are made. God throws together all of the components but then at the end, the final component is one that the young fledgling chooses themselves.”

Dean raised an eyebrow. “So what? God throws a bunch of stuff in the top of the angel machine and they come out the bottom and pick their job?”

Gabriel’s eyes widened and he coughed in surprise. He surveyed Dean with interest for several moments before speaking again. “That isn’t what I said. But yes, essentially. It’s sort of like a free will test. It’s one of those things where God is like crossing his fingers only to always be disappointed. He gives an Angel the strength and traits necessary to perform the duties of the calling which they’ve been given.”

Dean swallowed another mouthful of coffee. “I thought the fledglings pick?”

Gabriel smiled and nodded sagely. “They do. But he makes them for their purpose first. So for example, I was created to an Archangel. He always wanted me to be an Archangel. He knew I would be a messenger and he made me in such a way that I could do it well.”

“So he chose for you.”

Gabriel shook his head. “Yes and no. Because I was just a fledgling. No one had told me who I was supposed to be. He hadn’t told me he wanted me to be an Archangel. I didn’t know that my Golden wings meant I was to be the messenger Archangel. I _chose_ and so did he.”

Dean drained his coffee cup as he tried to wrap his head around that one but realized it was once again full before the cup reached the table. He blinked and glanced up towards the kitchen. Their waitress was plating two large burger meals which appeared before him moments later. The smell was amazing and he bit into his burger with great enthusiasm. He barely noticed the smile on Gabriel’s face as he ate for the first time in days.

“So you thaid-“ Dean swallowed the food in his mouth and cleared his throat. “Sometimes angels are special?”

Gabriel sipped the colorful milkshake that had appeared in front of him a few moments before and grinned. “Not sometimes. Once. Just one time.”

Dean leaned back in the booth and exhaled. He wasn’t exactly playing pitcher for the Angel home team but he felt like this was a big deal. He waited for Gabriel to continue but the Trickster smiled sadly back at him.

“Any guesses who that one angel was, Kiddo?”

Hot coils constricted around Dean’s windpipe and his heart hammered in triple time. His eyes watered and he fought for control. He reached into his jacket pocket for his flask when a sudden calm soothed him completely. He looked up at the Archangel across from him and saw that Gabriel was no longer smiling. He looked almost concerned.

“We need to talk about the bottle in the room, Buddy.” He held up a hand when Dean started to protest. “But we’re in the middle of something. So we’ll ignore your alcoholism and the fact that the thought of my little brother sends you into a heart-attack worthy panic attack. For now.”

Dean drank his coffee in large, burning gulps to avoid looking at the Trickster.

“Castiel is one in a trillion. I don’t need to tell you that. But he actually is. From the very beginning he was different. I’ve seen your memories, Dean and I’ve heard the other angels describe him. They see him as strange and weak. What you don’t know and what Castiel has never really understood is that all of that is rooted in jealousy.” Gabriel popped a fry in his mouth and chewed thoughtfully. “From the moment of his creation he was favored. Archangels are present when angels are made and even before Castiel was a proper fledgling he was special. God loved him already in a way that none of us had ever seen. He was one of the last angels born before man was created and Father was losing hope in us. I remember sitting with my brothers as our Father made Castiel’s wings. Lucifer was furious when he saw that Castiel had the wings of an Archangel. Father had never intended to make more of us, but something about Castiel was special. Michael was obedient as always and Raphael was bored. I was just hopeful that Castiel would be more interesting than the others.”

Dean blinked and closed his mouth which he realized had been hanging open for several moments. Cas was meant to be an Archangel.

“So the process was complete. And there was little Castiel, standing before our Father and the four of us. Only Archangels see God. So, Cas was already special in that Dad made the choice for him. Cas saw our wings, saw that his were the same. He knew where he was supposed to be. And yet when he was asked what purpose he would like he chose not to join us. He asked instead to be a soldier. His name means “Shield of God” and that was what he chose. My Dad lost his mind. Cas isn’t the ‘Angel of Thursday’, no no no. Thursday is the day of Castiel, Dean-o! He became the favorite son! He was given his own Garrison and Dad gave him what he needed to be a soldier.” Gabriel clapped his hands and heaping pieces of warm apple pie appeared in front of them. “Oh! You should’ve seen the chaos up in Heaven! Michael was furious. He loved order and Castiel had just shown free will. Luci had his panties in a twist because Dad no longer loved him best. I was excited because this new kid was a troublemaker and well Raph was bored.”

Gabriel stopped talking and promptly dug into his warm apple pie. Dean ate his as well as his thoughts ran wild. He’d known Cas for several years and his friend had never said a word. Dean had met so many angels who had clearly hated Cas but he’d never guessed that it was jealousy that fueled that hatred.

“Was Cas as powerful as an Archangel?” Dean wondered aloud.

Gabriel dropped his fork on the table and patted his belly fondly. “Yes and no. You done?”

Dean glanced down at the empty plate in front of him and nodded. A wave of nausea passed over him and he was sitting on a bench beside a river in a forest.

“Castiel is, in theory, more powerful than any Archangel.” Gabriel announced in lieu of apologizing for once again uprooting Dean without asking.

Dean laughed. “Uh huh.”

Gabriel shook his head. “Ah, Kid. You should have seen him when he was a fledgling. The kid had spunk, not that he ever really lost that. But just picture this for me. Think of a Castiel with my tricks, Michael’s military training, Raphael’s popular power, Lucifer’s cunning and an Archangel’s power. Now multiply it by a hundred.”

Dean shoved his hands in his pockets. “How?”

“He was God’s favorite. He was meant to be an Archangel so he had the power. But he was Castiel. He had free will and compassion and _doubts_. But then he chose to be something else and he was rewarded. So Dad gave him the training and the skill he would need to be the very best soldier in Heaven or Hell. But perhaps Castiel’s greatest strength is his selflessness, Dean. Because really, our power is only limited by what we use it for. That’s why Heaven couldn’t get at you, because they weren’t supposed to. They were using their juice for evil. So they started powering down. Cas on the other hand has always been selfless. And so his power was unlimited.”

Dean scoffed. “Yeah, maybe back when God was King and you all sat around the fire and sang Hakuna Matata.”

Gabriel shifted and frowned. “I’ll admit I’m a fairly shitty brother. And I will never outrun what has happened to that kid. I’m probably the only one who would have stopped it. Luci hated him, Michael wanted to _cure_ him and Raph just wanted to keep the status quo.” Gabriel ran a hand through his hair and sighed. “You know it was his hatred for Cas that really started Luci down the Highway to Hell. You humans were just the tip of the Iceberg. So we all went to war. Brother against brother. Cas could have destroyed Luci if he’d fought him. But it was Mikey and Luci’s destiny and-“ He sighed again. “Castiel was better than the rest of us, it wasn’t just Dad that saw that, so I tricked him into fighting lesser fights with me until the battle was over.”

Dean swallowed heavily as he found himself understanding the Archangel beside him. After all he would have done the exact same thing for Sammy. He _had_ done the same thing. And if it wasn’t for Gabriel, well Dean probably wouldn’t have had the time he’d had with Cas in the first place. “I understand.”

Gabriel laughed. “Kiddo, I know you do. Heaven _and_ Hell know you do. So the war was over and so I bailed. And so did Dear ol’ Dad. Which left Cas to the wolves. He was still feared and respected above all in Heaven. For a while anyways. But as the angels started to rebel they started to realize that God wasn’t coming back. So Michael started putting out fires. And he started looking the other way when his staff started reprogramming Castiel.”

Dean jumped to his feet. “What the fuck do you mean reprogramming?”

“Come on, Dean. Other than a few instances, have you ever seen Archangel Cas?” Gabriel shook his head and balled his fists. “There’s an angel in Michael’s inner circle named Naomi. Bitch. Fucking hate her. She’s a bit like that mad fucker you and Sam took care of in that asylum when you were looking for your Dad. She digs around in our craniums and reprograms angels until they follow the party line. Do you remember when Cas left Jimmy and came back different?”

“I serve Heaven. I do not serve man and I don’t serve you.” Dean repeated tonelessly. Those words had stung and haunted him for months afterwards. His eyes flashed back to Gabriel. “Are you saying they tortured him until he said that?”

Gabriel stood and placed a hand on Dean’s shoulder. “I’m saying they tortured him until he _believed_ it, Kiddo.” The Trickster winced before continuing. “What was a couples days to you was actually about 10 years to him. It wasn’t, um, the first time it had been done to him. Castiel has been reprogrammed more times than the rest of the host put together.

Bile rose in Dean’s throat and he turned away, bending at the waist and vomiting in the bush. Tears ran down his cheeks as his body expelled the alcohol, coffee, food and hate he felt for Naomi and Michael and everyone else who had hurt his Angel.

It took several moments for the heaving and tears to cease. Gabriel was waiting on the bench when Dean managed to move from his knees and join him.

“So they took his powers?” Dean whispered.

Gabriel shook his head. “Only Dad could do that and he wouldn’t. Not even to Luci. They just sort of _suppressed_ them. Castiel is aware he has them, I think. He just doesn’t think to use them. When he begins to doubt, when he begins to act more like himself, his powers strengthen again. He’s then pulled back in to Naomi’s.” Gabriel sighed and it was the sound of a broken old man. “I didn’t know. I should have known, but how could I know?” He shook it off. “But that juice never went away. He just stopped using it.”

“You’re wrong.” Dean argued. “They drained his mojo when he rebelled and they were trying to pressure us to say yes.”

Gabriel waved his hand around a fallen leaves lifted from the ground and moved around them in a flurry. “Michael and Raph muzzled him. But in doing so they too lost juice. That’s why it was never Mikey who came for you. It was always that Tit Zachariah. Mike was too busy keeping Cas from screwing up their plans.”

“But when we were in TVLand, he was able to keep escaping you. No way he could’ve fought all three of you off.” Dean argued.

Gabriel snapped and all of the leaves exploded beautifully. “In theory, he could. But he was hidden to them in my presence so he was able to escape me. I was also testing his juice out because he was _off_ and he didn’t recognize me. I knew something was wrong with him when he first showed up.” The Trickster turned his attention onto Dean and glared at him. “Winchester, I think you’re failing to grasp the full scale of what I’m telling you here. Castiel is _The_ Angel. Lucifer is the Second strongest angel. And Michael is the third.”

Dean stared back at him. “ _How_ powerful?”

Gabriel licked his lips and tapped his chin. “Did Cas ever tell you about your rescue from Perdition?” Dean shook his head. “Cas was built for a fight through Hell. Literally. So all restrictions were taken off of him, which was probably the greatest mistake that ‘Apocalypse Now’ Heaven made, and he was given the task of saving The Righteous Man. He led his Garrison through Hell. I don’t know how much you remember about the actual topography of Hell but you were only a level above the Cage. And Castiel’s Garrison sustained no casualties. In fact from what Balthazar told everyone, Cas himself slayed all demons who got in the way. The Garrison was really there for cleanup and to ensure that Cas was able to return you safely to Earth.” Gabriel caught his eye and held it earnestly. “It pains me to admit this, Kiddo, but I _could not_ have managed that. I even have a great big sword made of fire. But I could not cut a path through Hell alone and return unscathed. That’s how powerful, Dean.”

****

Dean threw a rock into the river and watched as the ripples spread out across the water. Gabriel had given him too much to process and he had a feeling that the Trickster wasn’t finished. He really needed a drink. Gabriel had mentioned the need to talk about his alcoholism. At least Sam and Bobby had the decency to ignore it. He heard the Archangel’s approach and threw another rock.

“Is that why he always came back? Because he was God’s favorite? Or because he was the best? Or because he was too powerful to die?” Dean asked without turning to look at him.

Gabriel stepped forward and picked up a few rocks. They stood together in silence for a few moments just throwing rocks into a flowing river.

“It might be a bit of all three. You’re not quite ready for the fourth reason though.” He answered finally.

“You can shove that cryptic answer right up your ass, Gabriel.” Dean replied faux-cheerfully, feeling just about done with the day.

“If I told you I could bring him back, what would you give?” Gabriel asked, ignoring Dean’s snark.

Dean’s head jerked to stare at Gabriel. “That sounds an awful lot like a demon deal, Gabriel.”

Gabriel glared back and pointed at him. “First of all, rude.” There was a flash of lightning and the shadow of giant wings lit up behind the Archangel.

“Cas did that once, when we first met.” Dean said offhandedly, still staring at the place Gabriel’s wings had appeared.

Gabriel nodded sagely. “Only Archangels can show humans our wings or shadows without burning their eyes out. And even then it’s only one set. We, Archangels, have 10.”

“Get to the point.”

Gabriel stepped towards Dean and placed an open palm above Dean’s heart. Dean felt panic begin to rise in his chest and almost stepped back. “Calm down.” Gabriel took a half-step back but kept his hand on his chest. “You’re a broody bastard, Dean Winchester. But the shit going on in your heart is enough to kill a healthier man than yourself. You’re gonna kill yourself before the Leviathan do. There’s a lot of stuff you need to figure out and that’s cool. So I’m only asking what you’re willing to do if I bring Cas back to you.”

Dean swallowed thickly. “What does that _mean_?”

Gabriel stepped back and his hand dropped. “You haven’t forgiven him yet.”

“He went behind my back and worked with Crowley! And he hurt Sammy!” Dean yelled defensively.

Gabriel’s face hardened and he poked a hard finger into Dean’s chest. “My brother died many times for you. He fought his way through Hell for you. He rebelled for you. He gave up his home, his brothers and sisters for you. He _killed_ his brothers and sisters for you. I know you don’t like angels, Dean. But put that in perspective. It would be like _you killing Sam for Cas_.”

Dean stumbled backwards as the weight of Gabriel’s words crashed around him. He’d never thought about it like that. Because Castiel was amazing and his siblings were miserable assholes. But they were his siblings. And Cas had killed them for Dean.

“Jesus.” Dean breathed.

“He dragged you out of Hell and remade you, Dean. Castiel has loved Humanity from the very beginning. Because our Father commanded it but mostly because of all creation, humans are most like himself. And He loves you. He knows you better than you know yourself because he reconstructed your body and rebuilt your soul. So when you decided to quit hunting and have the apple pie life, he would have burned the world down before asking you to give it up.”

“He almost did.” Dean muttered, uncomfortable with the turn the conversation had taken.

“Whenever he stopped by to see you, you were happy. Crowley manipulated it a bit. So Cas never arrived when you were broody or drinking alone. It was always when you were hanging out with Ben or having sex with Lisa, taking care of your home or drinking with friends. He had no idea how unhappy you were. And give my brother some credit, Kiddo. He fought a one man civil war against Raphael for almost 1000 years before giving in to Crowley.”

Dean dropped the rock in his hand and stared at Gabriel. The Trickster shrugged. “Time in Hell is long. Time in Heaven more so. One year here is about a millennia up there. He kept growing stronger and they couldn’t get a hold of him to reprogram him. But Castiel led a very lonely existence after I left and then he was adopted into your strange little family. Then you were all gone and he was fighting his own family. And 1000 years of fighting alone is horrible. So yeah, he gave in. To Crowley.” He shrugged. “Have you ever gone too far to pull back? He knew the only way to get you to back off was to break the dam in Sam’s mind. He thought when he had the souls he’d be able to cure Sam completely. He truly believed he was doing the right thing. Can you honestly tell me you don’t see where he was coming from?”

It was too much. Because of course he understood. He’d sold his damn soul for his little brother. And after everything Cas had done for them, for him, he wasn’t surprised at the lengths he’d go to keep Dean safe and happy.

But Dean needed to hate him. He had to stay angry. Because if he forgave him, if he allowed the rage to go, then he’d have to deal with everything else.

“I can’t.” He whispered.

He’d barely held on as it was. He wouldn’t survive without the anger to shield him from it. There wasn’t enough alcohol in the world to fill the hole that Cas had left behind if Dean let the anger go.

“You can.” Gabriel answered quietly from somewhere beside him.

Dean closed his eyes and remembered a similar conversation he’d had with Cas in a hospital many years before. He’d been broken and bruised and Cas had sat beside him quietly and listened to his doubts and fears. Cas hadn’t offered to heal him until Dean was ready to be healed. He’d known that Dean needed the physical pain to ground himself after the torturing of Alistair.

“What color are his wings?” He asked quietly.

Gabriel chuckled. “The exact shade of his eyes. It’s why Jimmy’s eyes are duller without Cas.”

Cas’ eyes flashed through his mind and Dean suddenly missed him so much that it _hurt_ like a physical blow to the ribs. Gabriel had asked if he would be willing to forgive him if it meant having him back.

Dean Winchester sucked in a huge breath and steeled himself.

_Dean stumbled to a stop at the edge of the lake, watching Castiel’s head submerge. He willed his body to dive forward but he couldn’t move. He screamed but his lips remained closed. Inky blackness erupted under the surface._

Tears welled in his eyes and his hands shook. He relived Cas’ last few moments and remembered how desperately the angel had sought his forgiveness. Dean had been too angry, feeling too betrayed to see the desperation in his friend’s eyes. Too selfish. So it was him who should be sorry. It hadn’t been Cas’ fault after all.

****

“You said I wasn’t ready for the fourth reason. I’m ready now.” Dean remarked an hour later as he joined Gabriel on the bench by the river. The Archangel eyed him before smiling brightly.

“Castiel is God’s favorite. But as you can see I too have been brought back. I was brought back to save Cas, I think.” Gabriel snapped his fingers and handed Dean a to-go cup of coffee. “He brought me back but I think it was the first time He’s actually intervened directly.”

“I don’t get it.” Dean told him bluntly, sipping at the hot coffee. “Cas has come back a bunch of times before you.”

“Yes, but I don’t think that Dad himself brought him back into existence.” Gabriel explained.

Dean rolled his eyes. “Stop being a pain in the ass and get to the point. Who brought him back them?”

Gabriel bit his lip. “You did.”

Dean stared at the Trickster and waited for the punch-line. His eyes narrowed when he realized Gabriel was serious. “Are you drunk?”

“I wish.” Gabriel mumbled into his cup. “It’s a working theory but I’m 99% sure of it. All evidence supports it.”

“I’m listening.” Dean glanced around. “Is there a reason we’ve spent the whole day at this damn river? It’s cold.”

Gabriel waved him off. “There’s always a method to my madness. Here’s my theory. Castiel retrieved you from Hell but he left a mark on your shoulder. Now this may have happened a few different ways, during your rescue, the flight or while he was repairing you, but that doesn’t really matter. What matters is what that _means._ ”

Dean tapped the side of his cup and Gabriel snapped his fingers, filling the cup with more hot coffee. “Means? Besides the mark disappeared ages ago.”

The Archangel rolled his eyes. “The mark means that he left some of his Grace in you. Or a piece of his soul attached itself to yours, if you will. And the mark has faded only from your outer arm. It is still there below the surface and his mark is seared into your soul.”

Dean shifted on the bench and looked away from Gabriel. Something about his words felt strangely intimate and he wished somehow that it had been Cas who had told him and not his annoying brother.

“Rude.” Gabriel joked.

“So I’m marked. What does it say? Property of Castiel?” He joked stiffly.

Gabriel chuckled. “No, nothing so crude. It was unintentional. Castiel is hardly territorial and even after everything the two of you have been through, he would never have thought of you as his property. But your soul _does_ contain a small piece of his Grace. Your soul is the purest white of any human that has ever lived and Castiel’s Grace ribbons around it, the color of his wings. It’s beautiful to behold. Together you are as rare as you are apart.”

Dean’s cheeks flamed and he ducked his head. There was no denying the dreamy tone that Gabriel’s words had taken. Many things had been implied about Dean and Cas’ relationship over the years. There had been a tension not to mention confusing feelings from the beginning. But to hear the Archangel talk about it was disconcerting.

“So, um I have a piece of his soul.” Dean’s eyes widened. “That means he’s still alive.”

Gabriel grinned and tapped his nose. “In theory once Castiel died the first time his Grace should have died as well. But it didn’t. And so it makes me think that as long as your soul is alive, his Grace is as well.”

Dean’s nose wrinkled. “Wait, like a Horcrux? Are you saying I'm a fucking Horcrux?!”

Gabriel guffawed. “Ha! I thought Sammy was the Geeky one.”

Dean punched him in the arm. “So you’re saying that he’s alive.”

“No.” Gabriel shook his head. “Not on this plane of existence. But a piece of him is.”

Dean’s brows furrowed and his eyes fell on the water in front of him. He’d feared the water since he’d seen Cas go under. A little guy had almost drowned on his watch a month back because Dean simply hadn’t been able to go in the water. Thankfully Sam had gotten there in time.

“Why hasn’t he come back then? He came back every other time.” Dean wondered.

Gabriel threw his hands up and did threw vigorous jazz hands. “Huzzah, that’s why I’m here, Kid. Tell me about the first time he died.”

Dean rubbed suddenly clammy hands on his jeans and licked his lips. He avoided thinking about this stuff for a reason. But he needed Cas back. “He was holding off the Ninja turtle and the God Squad so I could stop Sammy. They vaporized him. Found bits of him in Chuck’s hair.” Dean inhaled sharply. “We were led into a trap and caught by Zach and his goons. And I-“ Dean’s mouth popped open in surprise. “I prayed for help. I prayed to Cas. And then he was there saving our asses and scaring the shit outta Zach with the Lazarus rising bit.”

Gabriel nodded. “Oh yeah, I tuned in for that bit. Heaven went _nuts_ about that. They all said it must be Luci but even he can’t raise the dead. Which meant it must be Dad. I can’t believe they kept going after that. Because Cas was Dad’s pet angel. And if he brought him back it meant he wasn’t Team Apocalypse. Whatever. Family drama. Next? The warehouse with Adam.”

Dean frowned. “No he didn’t die, he-“ Gabriel was shaking his head, “He died? God damn it, Cas. He sacrificed himself because he was mad at me and he didn’t see another way out. I spent the next few weeks praying for any word from him. He appeared on a fishing boat and then called me from the hospital and he was basically human.” He paused and raised a questioning eyebrow. “Did Heaven find him first? Is that why he was gone for so long and he didn’t have any juice?”

Gabriel scratched his chin. “Probably. Next? The cemetery. Showdown with Luci, Mikey, Adam and Sammy.”

“Cas showed up even though I told him not to, called Michael an ‘Assbutt’ and threw a holy oil Molotov cocktail at him. Lucifer vaporized him. After Sam pulled the four of them into the pit I was kneeling alone in the cemetery. Lucifer had killed both Cas and Bobby. I guess I wished that Cas was alive and then he was. He healed me and brought Bobby back and I thought he was God. He thought it was funny.”

A fond smile brightened Gabriel’s features. “He’ll never realize his own power. He could surpass our Father if it was his Will. Cas isn’t right for Heaven though. It’s why God left, why I left. Heaven is broken and it’s why Castiel’s power alone cannot fix what has been broken.”

“So Cas hasn’t come back yet because I, what, haven’t asked him to?” Dean scoffed. It couldn’t be that simple.

“There’s nothing simple about it, Kiddo. You took him for granted. He became the angel on your shoulder. You didn’t call him for a year even though he was the only friend you had. You called him every time you needed his help and never when you didn’t. He was fighting a civil war in Heaven all alone and you never asked him about it. You were selfish. And you lost him. You lost him long before the deal with Purgatory and the souls and Crowley.” Gabriel smacked him lightly upside the head. “Here’s what I know for sure. Your soul is bonded with his Grace in a way that no two souls have ever been bonded before. You take soul mates to the next level. If it wasn’t for his Grace within you, you would have died the moment he did. The loss should have killed you. We can figure out the romantic or sexual implications of all this later on if you’d like. What it comes down to is that _you_ weren’t ready for him to come back. So he hasn’t.”

Dean expected panic. Gabriel, the fucking messenger of God was telling him that he was gay for an angel and that everyone could see it. But all that mattered was that the sooner he accepted it all, the sooner Cas would come back.

“Okay.”

Gabriel pumped a fist into the air. “Take a closer look at your surroundings, Kiddo.”

Dean looked along the river bank and narrowed his eyes upstream. “We’re –“

“About ten miles downstream from where you lost him.” Gabriel clapped his hands together. “Holler for me if you need me.” A snap of the fingers later and Dean was alone in the woods next to a running river.

Dean settled back on the bench and clasped his hands together. He took a deep steadying breath, “Cas? You got your ears on?”

The air shifted slightly and Dean swallowed thickly at the familiar sound of fluttering wings. His eyes were squeezed shut and his heart was racing. "Cas?" 

“Hello, Dean.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> I found myself dreaming up a few different mythologies for Castiel recently. I just can't imagine him ever having been a 'normal' Angel. I might revisit this story or this particular origin idea later on.


End file.
